Some years ago, I decided to plant a garden. One of the men helping me said: you can't hurry plants. You are not building concrete boxes. You must let it grow at its own pace.Many summers and winters later, despite all the nurturing and care, a part of the garden remains patchy. It is as if that part of the lawn would like to teach me patience. A quiet acceptance of how things could go despite our best efforts.
Memories are tricky too. They relinquish us; not vice versa. In response to my previous post, I was advocated forgiveness. I agree. But I also do think forgiving is easier than forgetting. But these are all words.
Can someone tell me a true life experience? I know the world treads carefully around writers. We are scavengers of sorts always seeking material. But what I seek here is to create a forum. To see if there are tips rather than answers. What works. What doesn't. It could be a book, a song, a day with a child, the sight of a kitten playing... tell me.... I am curious....our stories are not ours alone!
I have always found that it is harder to forget than forgive. Forgiveness to me, is an emotional letting out, it helps ease our anger, we try to take it in our stride and continue with our lives, but later come to realize that it has left an indelible mark in our memory. The anger is not there, but nothing is as strong as a painful memory. It never really goes away, however silly the whole incident is.
ReplyDeleteI have been writing silly short poems in english, right from my childhood. I've written 2 poems in hindi as well, but never really knew my mother tongue malayalam as well as I would have liked to, probably due to my non-resident-keralite upbringing. However since I knew to write in malayalam, once wrote a simple stanza of what I thought will be a malayalam poem. I usually used to show my poems to my father and he used to be happy, but that day when I showed him this malayalam poem (something about the sun), he didn't tell anything, he just tore the paper and threw it away. Probably it was all wrong, I was angry and sad that day but slowly time helped me lose my anger I guess and I decided to forgive.
But never could forget, it still remains in some haunted corridor of my memory. Afterwards I started reading malayalam books, and trying to understand the finer aspects of the language. Still continue doing so. Perhaps deep down I'm simply seeking acceptance. I have even started a malayalam blog. again it has lots of mistakes, but i'm trying my best.
Even 22 years later forgetting that is not easy. Anita, I respect you a lot as a writer so felt like sharing this with you. I've never told this even to my father and hoping he doesn't see what is written here.
I'll be following your lessons in here and probably I will learn something.
Have Fun, Take Care and God Bless!
With Best Regards,
Srijith.
Thanx for sharing this with me.I am sure there will be many others who will benefit from this generous recounting of what must have been a painful experience. All I can say is it will help shape a better you....take care. Keep reading my posts and I would love to hear from you!
ReplyDeleteSometimes, forgetting can be a bad thing too. You blank out nasty memories and keep them buried underneath other mundane and not-so mundane matters clogging your brain. And you go on with life, forgetting that such an incident ever took place. But then its effects subconsciously remain and may touch upon other aspects of life. And the person will never find out why he or she is behaving this way because no memory remains of what started it all.
ReplyDeleteThis particularly happens in cases of abuse, whether mental, physical or sexual.
You recall vague images of a neighbour trying to be overtly friendly and take advantage of your childish innocence. But then, the images fade out abruptly at a particular point.
As a child, you erased those memories. And now, when you recall these images, you don’t know if they are wisps of a bad dream or actual reality.
Selective Amnesia. Block thoughts that hurt you too much.
ReplyDeleteAs a child I used to write diaries. I picked up one of them last month while rummaging through my stuff. And as I was reading through the pages, I saw I was angry at someone. I did not want him/her to know that I am angry at them,so I did not write the name of the person. I read through it a number of times, but I could not remember who I was angry at! I forget such thoughts. I like to remember the beautiful bits. And, at times that results in guilt. Because I won't remember why I stopped talking with someone who was my closest friend. The memory of all the hurt would have disappeared. Although, I won't go and talk with them, I would feel probably I was at fault in not being with them!
Loved your Ladies Coupe. Will surely look at the new one.